The Effects of Divorce on Children

Marriage is the union of two souls and bodies for companionship, love, and security. The children are the outcome of the marriage and they are among the joys and beauties of a marriage. Since, a marriage life leads to a family life complete with spouse and children. Anything that affects anyone in the family, affects the whole. Children look up to their parents for love and security and parents acts as an umbrella of life’s troubles and fears. Thus, when that umbrella is broken, the children feel insecure and life now looks broken. Divorce can be devastating and distressing to a child.

It has been estimated that every year, more than a million children are suffering from their parent’s divorce in America. However the devastating effects of divorce on children affect them emotionally, financially and physically. These children are affected by all these even in their adulthood. Sociological and psychological research has proved that the age of the child is a major factor that determines how much a child can be affected by divorce. Also a number of factors such as the personality of the child, the gender, other friends and family members of the affected child and the rate of conflict among the parents affect the child.

Children of age 2 or 3 years may not be affected by divorce, however child care and parenting should be arranged between the parents, so that the child does not lack in it. If infants lack in parental care, they may react to it by losing their appetite and getting stomach problems. Pre-school children of age-group 3-5 years may believe that they are the cause for their parents’ divorce and end up feeling abandoned. Out of fear they react by wetting, being aggressive and extremely disobedient. School going children are the worst affected as they are old enough to understand what family problem they are growing through but are young to do anything about it. They compare easily with children of their age and end up being embarrassed and withdrawn from their friends. Teenagers are forced to take early responsibilities of family life. They do not get enough parental support during their growing years when they tend to experience new sexual feelings. Since their parents are weak and not able to control their life, these teenagers are forced to take up the responsibilities by taking up work. They end up choosing any one of the parents and developing hatred or yearning for the other. They might not be confident enough to get into a relationship and may also doubt the partner. Research has also shown that children of divorced parents when brought up by their own sex parents’ show fewer effects compared to those raised by the opposite sex.

Children of divorced parents show physical and emotional problems and are involved in suicide, drug – abuse and crimes. They perform very poorly in education and lose faith even in religion. Losing their security and stability completely shatters the world that they live in. They feel not loved and left abandoned by the parent who has divorced. They feel they are responsible for their parents’ divorce and are helpless to do anything about it because of their age. The grief that they experience due to divorce is very similar to the grief experienced during death. They have feelings that they don’t express like feelings of anger, grief which affects them even well into their adulthood. Children experience a change in everything. Their day- today routines, food habits, sleeping habits. Losing contact with a parent and even part of their family. They are frightened by the fact that one of their parents has abandoned them. They often have fear of losing attachment with their familiar surroundings and moving up to a new surrounding causing them to react negatively to everything. The parents release their tension on these children which they are not capable of handling and become helpless and don’t know how to react to it. These children end up acting very negatively. They show aggression in various ways. They can also be deeply withdrawn and even going through a depression without anybody’s notice. These children take up to  very easily and develop eating disorders either leading to obesity or anorexia.

Divorced parents can help their children to come out of their problems by understanding them and making situations for them more secure and tolerable. They should both be involved with their children behaving like their parents, loving them, disciplining them, supporting and protecting them. They should respect one another and not show their frustrations on each other to their children. They should not disturb the child’s routine be it their eating, sleeping and other activities. Marriage is a basic foundation for a family and family is a building block of the society. So, what happens to marriages in a society affects the society and the children. Good marriages can build a society with good cultured and happy children. But bad marriages can leave the society with problematic children growing into problematic adults making the society problematic for everybody.