Le Divorce
This world would be an ever-happy place if all marriages
worked.
However, we know that this is not the case. We will always have
marriages that end in divorce and we will have some that last. We need
to analyze the reasons that lead to the breakup of a marriage and hopes
that greater awareness helps to avert a few more divorces. A simple
saying, “We marry the person not because we love him/her or
his/her personalities, but just because we can tolerate and live with
his/her drawbacks or points we do not like”; has depth.
Relationships are very important to us and have an effect on our
psychological well-being. All the sharing and caring we provide one
another gives us a sense of security and belonging, comfort, warmth,
and happiness. Hence end of any relationship is painful, let alone
marriage. While things come to a crashing halt for some couples, it may
be a slow process of deterioration for others. Whatever the case maybe,
divorce is never easy. Irrespective of whether you are the one to walk
away from a relationship/marriage or walked away from, making a fresh
start over always seems like a daunting prospect. There is also this
emotional turmoil involving anger, guilt, confusion, sense of loss to
contend with aside from having to deal with legal hassles and
economical aspects of the break-up that need to be worked out. When
there are children involved, the process can be even more heart
wrenching.
Divorce comes about when a couple can no longer live together. It is
nothing but the legal dissolution or termination of a marriage. All
divorces boil down to one thing, which is unwillingness to work or
compromise to make things work by one or both partners. The reasons for
divorce are however multifold.
1. Wrong start, wrong end: A relationship that was initially thought as
"meant to be" begins to crumble when the couple does not think things
through before committing. Looking into the beginning of the
relationship can usually give inkling as to where the problem lies.
Some important differences that couples think will change over time or
overlook at the start of a relationship can lead to irreconcilable
differences. Marriage is a work in progress. It does take a lot of work
and sometimes one has to bring in some alterations or even sacrifices
in one's dreams and goals in order to make things work. Most often,
couples do not give it enough time or put in the effort to make things
work and are ready to call it quits and throw it all away.
All of us want to be with "the one" for us. When people begin to doubt
that they will find that special person to share their life with and
eventually give up, they end up settling for someone just because it is
better than being alone, only to find themselves feeling empty and all
the more lonely.
2. Broken trust: Trust is vital to any relationship. It is easily
broken, but hard to repair. Infidelity leaves people devastated and
puts them in a very precarious position. Feelings of distrust and
betrayal leave the marriage shaky. Rebuilding trust in a marriage takes
a lot out of people. Marriages where the couple is persistent enough in
working towards rebuilding trust survive while others that are unable
to restore trust fail.
3. Communication: Sometimes the greatest journey is the
distance
between two people! (Larry James). This world is always changing and so
are our lives. Changes in situations and work, lack of time to spend
together, lack of communication can also lead to the gradual breakdown.
The constant bickering on too very trivial issues, miscommunication,
and misunderstandings take a toll over time, the relationship loses
momentum, and people drift too very apart to get back up together again.
4. Abusive/addictive behavior: Substance abuses, alcohol, violent and
abusive behaviors that sometimes extend to children are big marriage
killers. Life gets even more complicated for those involved in such
marriages and begins to put lives in jeopardy. The only healthy way out
seems divorce.
5. Other factors: Money related issues, unemployment, and interference
of other people such as family or friends, disagreements on whether or
not to have children can be some of the other reasons for divorce.
Sometimes religious and political differences can be an issue too.
Some couples are able to work through their issues with the help of
marital counseling. However, it is always better if marriage is a well
thought out decision. Premarital counseling can also help both the
partners work out their differences and weigh out all the positives and
the negative aspects of the relationship before entering into a
commitment.
Whatever the causes may be and whether it is a quick divorce or a
prolonged one and whether a couple’s decision to divorce is
for
the good or bad, people do not come out being the same as they were
before the divorce. The longer the couple has lived together; serious
are the effects it has on the couple, the children, family, and friends
around them.